You are worthy

19 February 2018

This photo was taken of me four months after my 14 year marriage fell apart.  The girl in this photo was so heartbroken that it hurt to breath.  They say that grief is a powerful emotion, and I know this to be true.  The man I loved decided he needed out.  In so many words he said I was not good enough, I was not worthy.  These are the words I felt so heavy, and at times still face a year later.

The girl in this photo couldn't eat, woke at 3 am in the morning with nightmares of her reality and was so exhausted emotionally that it took every bit of me to continue to care for my children.
This is a pain many people know too well.  Grief hits us all at some point in our lives, whether it be the passing or loss of a loved one, or a failed relationship.  The heartbreak and emotional pain becomes so strong that you feel physically ill. It's a pain like no other.

If this is you today...if you are experiencing trauma and loss.  I want you to know that you are not alone.  There are days where you may feel as if you won't make it, and that you cannot go on.  I want to be a voice that tells you to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Live minute to minute if you have to.  Eventually, those minutes will grow into hours, and those hours for me have now grown into weeks. Weeks of happiness.  It's a slow process that requires SO. MUCH. PATIENCE.  But the YOU on the other end of this trauma is stronger, has more self love, and will be able to give and receive love like you never did before.  Allow yourself time to heal, let your friends and family walk with you and love on you.  If you have a belief system, then lean into that.  For me, praying to God has helped me lean on something larger than myself, in a time where I was barely here. 

You, dear love, are so worthy. In time your mourning will become less, and joy will become more. Just hold tight for one more minute, for one more night.


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